As I’m sitting here writing this, I’ve been reflecting over the year that was 2014. Though I love the holiday season – basically everything from Halloween forward – I get a bit nostalgic after the newly christened year rings in. A few days after that I’m faced with adding one more year to my existence on this blue and green marble we call Earth. Thinking back on the previous year, I find myself analyzing what I did right, what I did wrong and what I just didn’t do.
2015 brings to the table a few changes to the lives of me and my family. My oldest son has a new job and a new location – clear across to the other side of the country. I’m very proud of his accomplishments and a bit envious of the experiences he is about to have. At his age, I was still trying to figure out what I wanted for my future and my family’s future. Hell, he was born when I was 22. Twenty-two years later, he’s a man making his own destiny. Yes. Proud.
This time of year also brings with it a sense of uneasiness for me. The reason being, it seems, is that I’m constantly trying to figure out the direction I’m heading. At 45, I know no more than I did when I was 25, or for reference of this conversation, 22. I just can’t seem to figure it out.
I love to write…well, maybe “love” is a bit too strong, but it’s something I regularly enjoy. Until I don’t. I feel I have a voice and I need to share with the world, thus the reason I got into podcasting. But even that has been fleeting as I find that I don’t really have anything of great interest to say. Sure, I have my opinions, which are generally in stark contrast with most of the people that live around me. But they don’t listen to anything I have to say, so for those few that do listen, I’m “preaching to the choir”.
Maybe one year I’ll figure it out. I have a sneaking feeling that this won’t be the year either.
Back to the changes in 2015 – with my oldest son striking out on his own, this is the first time that the family dynamic has been upset or changed. I realize that it is something that I will have to get use to as my other two children probably won’t be far behind their older brother in making a life for themselves. This is the beginning of the “empty nester” syndrome. Wait. Is it a syndrome? I’m not sure, but I’ll call it that. Regardless of what we’re going to call it, it’s new to me. It’s a strange feeling when people that have been with you a significant part of your life, people you have been responsible for and cared for no longer need you in that way.
Blah, blah, blah…ok, question: What does the new year mean to you? Will you be attempting some new resolutions for change this year? Do you see it as just another year? Do you give it any thought whatsoever? Do you feel that the years just continue to go by and you’re directionless on the journey?
Tell me. I’d love to know that I’m not the only one.